Rebounding

I have made huge strides the last few days. I think my hormone levels are getting back to normal which helps. I never knew anything in life could be so difficult as losing a pregnancy. And with the death of both of my grandparents it has been a tough month to say the least. But in the last few days my anger and despair is slowly being replaced with gratitude and hope. I am remembering before October I was not getting pregnant at all. It is a huge step for us and we have very fond memories from those 8 weeks. We got all the genetic testing back. Everything was perfectly normal. This was a huge relief to know that I do have healthy eggs. I just hope my body continues the trend of wanting to get pregnant and next time it will want to stay that way(for nine monthes at least). There is nothing anyone can say to make what happened better or hurt less but all the e-mails and phone calls letting us know we were in your thoughts means a lot-thanks.

Bad minutes...good minutes. Thank goodness for good husbands.

I recently had a second miscarriage at 8 weeks. I usually catagorize my days to either a bad day or good day. Since the miscarriage it is now measured in bad minutes and good minutes. I can transition from laughter to tears and back again in a matter of seconds. I am feeling very bipolar latley. Tom had me laughing today and walked away to put something back in the fridge and literally when he came back I was bawling. Women have it pretty tough sometimes, my case in point. But I think we often forget and take for granted what the men go through too. They have no control over any of the physical aspects nor can they relate to how it must feel to lose something that was once living inside you. But just the same it was his child too. It is a loss for him just the same. Yet he is there. Supportive, anticipating needs, and dealing with a bipolar wife all at the same time. If I havn't said it enough I love you Tom. I love the way you hug me just before you know I'm about to cry, I love that you can make me laugh even in times like this, and I love how you never freak out because Lord knows I do enough of that for the both of us. I love you and am looking forward to a week away together.

I'm Back

Thank you all for the kind phone calls and e-mails of support after my miscarriage. I am doing fine, and we are wasting no time in trying again. We are still planning on doing IVF in February, so stay tuned. I am back to my blog and hope to be better at keeping it updated. I have started off with two blogs today in hopes of making up for lost time.

My Job

I get a lot of questions about what I do, so I decided to do a little blog about my job. I graduated from nursing school in 2002, shortly thereafter I passed my state boards and I am a Registered nurse. I worked on medical floors in two different hospitals for three years and wanted to learn something new. I was introduced to dialysis by one of the nurses(doing what I do now) at the hospital I worked at. When a patient's kidneys fail, it is often not forseen and the patient will end up in the hospital. While in the hospital Davita, the company I work for, provides bedside dialysis as long as the patient remains there. When the patient is doing better and released from the hospital, they will go to their outpatient dialysis clinic. I only do hospital (acute) dialysis. I provide in hospital dialysis for anyone from medical patients to ICU(my favorite) patients and although I havn't done it myself yet we occasionally do treatments for patients in Labor and delivery, post partum and the OR. I love my job! I love all the awsome things I get to see and be a part of. This is the machine I work with. I love all the buttons and gadgets-technology is pretty cool!





I work four days a week. Two to three days are "regular days", in which I will run two patients making it a 9-10 hour day. One to two days a week I am on call for 24 hours for emergencies. I can work a full 24 hour day sometimes if it is busy, just yesterday was a 17 hour day for me. It can be very tiring but also extremley rewarding. So thats what I do.

Sisters

I was made aware that it was recently Sister's Day. I know it's one of those obscure lame holidays but it got me thinking of my two sisters and how thankful I am for them. And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, this blog is for them. I don't think three more different individuals could have been brought together as sisters and yet have so many similarities. For those who have sisters, they know that they arn't always your best friend, but when bad things happen they are the still the first ones to help you pick up the pieces.

First for my sister Trish, the oldest, the steel magnolia-a little cheesy but true. Trish is the one who works well in crisis mode. While all of the rest of our heads are spinning deciding what to do next, she's one managing the dilema and delegating assignments accordingly. Sometimes I appear less than appreciative of this, but I know its all out of love and her "duty" as a big sister. Because she thrives in intense circummstances I tend to forget that they are just as hard on her as everyone else. She has dealt with such incredible losses and in my estimation has done so with great courage and has set a such a good example for her daughter. You are an inredible Mother, I love you Trish.





Second, for my sister Becky. My go to girl. I hope everybody has someone in their life who is their "what would_______ do?" When faced with a dilema, I often ask myself what Becky would do. She is such an example to me. She puts such thought and care into every decision and tries so hard to be the best person she can be. She is an incredible Mother, her kids are the happiest I've ever seen. She is always on the run and has something fun planned for them, they are going to grow up having the best childhood memories ever. She is a shoulder to cry on when I need it and my biggest cheerleader. I love you Becky.





This picture is from our sisters retreat this summer in Palm Dessert. From left to right is Trish, our cousin Cheryl (like a sister so it's cool), myself, and Becky. Pictures of the three of us together are few and far between, so thanks Becky for this one!

Halloween Engagment

We all know by now Sara is engaged. But what most of you don't know is that it wasn't truly official until I approved the groom. We had an engagment party last night at the Potter house, the guest of honor, Andrew Ostler. The day preceeding the party was spent carving pumpkins, snacking, decorating and yelling at Sara and Andrew to get a room. All in all Andrews application to marry Sara was approved. He's a great guy and luckily deserves my wonderful cousin. I had to duck out early from the party due to a long drive home, but was lucky enough to spend the whole day with the Potter clan and it's soon to be newest member. Things about Andrew I like....

1. Can tell a dirty joke with the best of us.
2. Will do anything Sara wants including wearing a Micky Groom's hat for the engagment party.
3. Chose to carve Andrew "hearts" Sara on his pumpkin.
4. Makes my cousin the happiest I've ever seen her.

Just a little photo op of Sara and the boys cleaning out pumpkins. Note: Thats why I'm behind the camera!

Counting My Many Blessings!

Ok I'm trying to write this with hands shaking, so forgive any typos. As most of you all know from my last blog Tom and I have been trying to concieve a very long time. We were on the verge of an IVF cycle and filling out adoption paperwork. Well yesterday I recieved the long desired 2 lines on a home pregnancy test(which I took at work and had to come home early due to a freak out). Needless to say it was a very sleepless night. Early this morning I made the trip over to see my Reproductive Endocrinologist and blood was drawn. At aproximatley 11:30 this morning we recieved the call we have been longing to hear for 4 1/2 years "you're pregnant". My heart is so full and I am so filled with gratitude, I can hardly contain it. I am cautiously optomistic. This is just a first(albeit HUGE)first step for us. My levels are a little low and I have already started progesterone injections. This could be a miscarriage or just a very early pregnancy. My doctor will re-draw levels on Tuesday. For those of you who don't know much about turners syndrome, this is nothing short of a miracle that we were able to concieve at all, let alone without medical intervention. Whatever the outcome of this pregnancy is, I will always be grateful for it and cherrish it every minute it lasts. I will keep you posted as the days progress and hopefully there will be a new Stanley in July :)